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Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Take that, Dr. Atkins. I always knew there was somthing fishy abot that plan. HA!! I don't diet. [02:19 p.m.]
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Take that, Dr. Atkins. I always knew there was somthing fishy abot that plan. HA!! I don't diet. [02:19 p.m.]
27 October 2003
I'm TOTALLY jrock. Like. Totally.
How Jrock are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
[11:51 a.m.]
26 October 2003
i am so fed up with kurt. [my youth pastor.] He's talking about splitting the teens into a junior high/high school class and then a college class. Which is all well and good, except, oh wait, he is splitting up the group that has grown up together. And then next year, when all my friends have graduated, I will be stuck with everyone I've never bonded with while everyone I've gotten close to in YG will be in the college class. For another 2 years I will be stuck with the 6th graders learning the same things all over again... two years is too long for a shallow youth group...
I want to drop out of school. I really do. Hey, I'm going to live next to Alex in a box down by the ohio river trying to sell my paintings for food anyway, so why not?
My paintings... that will never be quite good enough... [9:21 p.m.]
25 October 2003
omg. x______________x; lots of crazy things to talk about! XD BUT FIRST...
[base from here] I was playing around and started thinking of ideas for the Torque side story [where all the characters are in a band!! XD kick ass!] and I made this little dollie ^^; Hot diggity.
Went to the sig halloween dance with jessi last night~! ^_^ It was fun. I was supposed to g oas a bat, but becasue I didn't have time to finish my wings I wore the wings Tara gave me and went as a goth faerie instead o_O;; But all was well and a lot of people really liked my vinyl shirt ^^;;;;; Jessi tried to go as a vampire, but her fangs wouldn't work with her braces so she looked more like a zombie with blood coming out the sides of her mouth... heh... omfg we had so much fun. Andy actually came up and started talking to me. It was so awesome. Except... awe!! Jordan [sophmore annoying weasle jordan]!! Poor kid!! He was praying that he would get to dance with someone [he even did the Catholic cross thingy in the middle of the gym o_O;] even though he wouldn't ask anyone [sadly, he had his eye on me AGAIN. >_<; He is still insanely jealous of sean. *recalls some of the evil glairs shot at us last year*] But of course no one danced with him. I almost did becasue I felt bad for him, but I was afraid he'd get the wrong idea o_O;; Yeah. So I grabbed Joey Zahn and we flung each other around instead ^^;; [actually, I attempted to teach him some of the very few dance steps I know, the poor kid couldn't even do that! x_X;] What can I say, he was dressed as Indiana Jones. Cooler than that, he had everything he needed [including the whip and hat] for his costume in his closet. Kudos.
OH!! BUT BEFORE THE DANCE!
Jessi and I went to the mall to finish our costumes [SHE STOLE MY PANTS!! THE LITTLE THEIF!! I HAD THEM FIRST! XPPP] and I saw the SADDEST THING EVER!!! X_X;; SEAN!!! OUR SHOES!!! [you know, the chairs in front of closet floor where all the cool things always happen?] Yeah. Two of them are definately gone. Vanished. Mysteriously disappeared. Bye bye. It was sad. ;_;
Got a labyrinth mini notebook and Nightmare Before Christmas shoestrings. [The shoestrings costed more than the notebook. >_<]
Lisa's costume absolutely cracked me up. [Although it wouldn't have been nearly as funny if it were on someone else] she took a big box, cut out a hole for her head and for her arms, and wrote on the front "think outside the box." On the back was an ad for the Wadi Cafe poetry Slam. ^^;; It was cute. And then Elliot blew up a picture of Shanky and made a mask, taping a sign to his shirt that said "I am Shanky." Ha ha.
They revived the Macerina. That was special, let me tell you. Mandi is 100% incapable of shaking her ass. 100%.
Today I saw Christa working at Shnucks. We exchanged greetings, and I couldn't help but grin smuggly as I walked away. Heh...
Is it bad if I started bawling in the middle of pre-calculus Friday because I had no idea what was going on? X_x;; [9:38 p.m.]
24 October 2003
Someone shoot me. Please. Or get me really really drunk. That works too.
[8:11 a.m.]
23 October 2003
well in about a half an hour I will be leaving for my show. I am so freaking nervous. I shouldn't be, after all I don't actually have to DO anything except set up my art work and then smile and look pretty [three things I have been told I do rather well...] but still. I pour myself into my art, and I don't take well to rejection in this area. I probably dont have to worry, since even if no one does like it I doubt they will say so. I'll be displaying with Whittney, Vivian, and Ashley, three people who are probably a lot better than I am. I shouldn't compare myself to other students, I really shouldnt. That's the reason Megan gave up on art. *sigh.* My life... this is all I really have, and I want to be good at it. I want people to accept it. No, I want people to embrace it. I want to be the next Warhol or VanGogh or Rauschenburgh. I want to be known. I want people to see my work and say "That's Mandi Work's painting!"
I will never get to that point. Few artists do, and you really have to be exceptional to. I am not exceptional. Chances are I will never be able to make a true statement with my art. I want to...
I wish my hands would quit shaking. [6:01 p.m.]
23 October 2003
Someone needs to explain to Sega what "happy relationship" means.
Aka, "No, I don't want to cheat on Sean with you."
>_<
He asked me today. He said it like "i want you to think im just joking but im going to be ecstatic if you say yes." He also kept talking about how he couldn't see why I liked him at one time [long story] and how he needed to find a 'significant other.' Heh. And apparently he's not going to the dance with julie because he has to babysit, and he is once again all over me. WHY?! I AM STUPID AND ANNOYING AND HE IS SMART AND .... WELL, ANNOYING AND WE WOULD BE A HORRIBLE COUPLE AND ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN NOT NOW OR EVER!!! >_<;;;
I'm better now.
In case you didn't catch it the first time...
Anyone who wants to come to the art show tonight CALL ME!! *hint hint* it would really mean a lot to me and ash if you came.... [they asked for me BY NAME BABY! XD that is the coolest thing ever!! ^^;;] [12:21 p.m.]
23 October 2003
oki, ash and i are displaying our art tonight, so if anyone wants to come and see us make hams of ourselves it would be great. call me for details. ^_^ [10:45 a.m.]
23 October 2003
You know what kicks? I WASNT GAINING WEIGHT AFTER ALL! XD I was just kind of bloated for a couple days O_o;; yay. AP Art History Test in about 5 minutes. ^^;; O darn. Sega found out about our hott passionant sex last night, sean. Darn. Now we are talking about my youth pastor's abnormally large... "little brother" [xD] and his too tight pants o_O;; Yay. ^^;;
Ok, I'm going to stop now. Adios. [8:27 a.m.]
22 October 2003
Which Gackt are you most like?
quiz by  mcvarmazi
[9:52 p.m.]
22 October 2003
Have you ever...
{x} Fallen for your best friend? Hm. Yes I have.
{x} Made out with JUST a friend? Eh... not exactly...
{x} Been rejected? Actually, I don't think so... o_O;
{x} Been in love? Quite possible, but I wouldn't know.
{x} Been in lust? Of course.
{x} Used someone? ...yes.
{x} Been used? yes
{x} Cheated on someone? depends on what constitutes "cheating." I am a flirt, and I do "casually" flirt, but I would never seriously consider someone while dating anyone else.
{x} Been cheated on? It's entirely possible...
{x} Done something you regret? Well, dugh.
Who was the last person...
{x} You touched? Daddy- he kissed me goodbye before he left for work thins morning
{x} You talked to? Mom. She made me get out of bed >_o
{x} You hugged? Hm.... Probably mom
{x} You instant messaged? Ashley.
{x} You kissed? Daddy ^_^
{x} You yelled at? Ashley. *sigh*
{x} You laughed with? Sean
Have you/are you/do you....
{x} Considered a life of crime? I don't think anyone hasn't, I dont care how "good" you are xp
{x} Considered being a hooker? gross.
{x} Considered being a pimp? I AM a pimp. See me pimp. *pimp pimp*
{x} Are you psycho? Sometimes
{x} Split personalities? You could say that...
{x} Schizophrenic? I'm not, but I am.
{x} Obsessive? very.
{x} Obsessive compulsive? a little
{x} Panic? I am the panic queen.
{x} Anxiety? Very.
{x} Depressed? Often.
{x} Suicidal? Occasionally
{x} Obsessed with hate? Never.
{x} Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? I have had one dream that was kinda morbid... o_O;
{x} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? EW NEVER!
{x} Understanding: You be the judge.
{x} Open-minded: I like to think so.
{x} Arrogant: Can be a little i guess.
{x} Insecure: Very much more than I hope I let on.
{x} Interesting: *shrugs* you tell me.
{x} Hungry: Anorexic.
{x} Friendly: I do what I can...
{x} Smart: Whast's your standard?
{x} Moody: sometimes.
{x} Childish: very much so at times, but I can be mature when I need to be.
{x} Independent: I want every much to be, but I am the exact opposite.
{x} Hard working: If I care about what I'm doing enouogh.
{x} Organized: Not at all.
{x} Healthy: I shouldn't have to answer that... >_o;
{x} Emotionally Stable: No.
{x} Shy: I used to be... but not so much anymore.
{x} Difficult: When I want to be.
{x} Attractive: *blush* XD ME AND AMY ARE HOTT BABES AT BOSSE! XDDDDD
{x} Bored Easily: Easily Entertained, but yes.
{x} Thirsty: ALWAYS.
{x} Responsible: I can be.
{x} Sad: Not at the moment.
{x} Happy: Not at the moment.
{x} Trusting: Sean thinks so.
{x} Talkative: if I have anything at ALL to say, I say it. My youth group wonders how sean ever gets a word in, but trust you me, he has NO problem ^^;
{x} Original: Am I?
{x} Different: Yeah, I think so.
{x} Unique: So I've been told...
{x} Lonely: Often.
{x} Color your hair? Just the tips.
{x} Have tattoos? NEVER.
{x} Piercings? Just my ears, but when I turn 18 I want a second hole in both my lobes, my cartilage on one ear, and my belly button MAYBE.
{x} Have a boyfriend? *^_^* Mon chere of 10 months on Saturday! *kisses*
{x} Floss daily? Eh, I probably should, but I use an electric toothbrush and I do have good dental hygene.
{x} Own a webcam? Why do you want to know?
{x} Ever get off the damn computer? to either go somewhere or sleep.
{x} Sprechen sie deutsche? uh, non?
{x} Habla espanol? desole, je parle francais, mais je suis tres terrible.
Currents
{x} Current Clothes: Newsboys t-shirt w/ Capitan Crunch on the front, striped pnats, and Garfiel house shoes.
{x} Current Mood: Clammy.
{x} Current Taste: Orange Juice.
{x} Current Hair: Down and needing a god brushing [athough I did shower this morning so I'm not dirty]
{x} Current Annoyance: My dog kees licking her ass infront of me >_o;
{x} Current Smell: Candy corn.
{x} Current thing you ought to be doing: Lesson plans for AWANA
{x} Current Desktop Picture: The plain green that is default for Win98
{x} Current Favorite Group: Probably Aqua
{x} Current Book: "Stranger" by Albert Camus
{x} Current DVD In Player: Nothing, but I did watch a Paris fashion show in French this morning o_O;; That was special. Let me tell ya.
{x} Current Refreshment: OJ
{x} Current Worry: I am in a mood where I don't care enough to be worried about anything right at this moment.
{x} Current Crush: Ashley... there's something I need to tell you... j/k
{x} Current Favorite Celebrity: Gackt. It will always be Gackt.
Favorite...
{x} Food: If I had to choose I guess Ice Cream
{x} Drink: Hot Chai
{x} Color: either gray or green
{x} Shoes: high heels so I dont feel so short around my abnormally tall bf >_o;
{x} Candy: Reces Pieces and Peppermint Patties
{x} TV Show: I guess Monk first season. It kinda started getting boring in second season tho.
{x} Movie: I guess Labyrinth.
{x} Dance: TANGO!! I WANNA TANGO! ;__;
{x} Vegetable: Broccoli x9
{x} Fruit: Strawberries, although I hate strawberry FLAVORED things >_o;
On Dating....
{x} Long or short hair? somewhere in the middle
{x} Dark or blond hair? in guys: blonde. in girls: dark.
{x} Tall or short? I like tall and slender...
{x} Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? Both. Has to be both in one.
{x} Good guy or bad guy? Again, alittle good but a little bad
{x} Dark or light eyes? In guys, light. In girls, dark.
{x} Hat or no hat? Depends on whether or not they can pull it off.
{x} Pierced or no? Girls, yes. Guys, no.
{x} Freckles or none? None
{x} Stubble or neatly shaved? facial hair is gross xp
{x} Rugged outdoorsy type or sporty type? Ugh. Neither.
On preferences....
{x} Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate made with milk :9
{x} McDonalds or Burger King? Ew... If you knew what went in that food...
{x} Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? I'm not getting married, but my lifetime partner would be the perfect friend.
{x} Sweet or sour? Depends.
{x} Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? Dr. Pepper.
{x} Sappy/action/comedy/horror? Action
{x} Cats or dogs? neither, really.
{x} Ocean or Pool? ocean. I hate swimming.
{x} Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? ACH!! why do you make me choose!! ;_;
{x} Mud or Jell-O wrestling? O_o;;
{x} With or without ice-cubes? Depends on what I'm drinking.
{x} Shine or rain? rain... so pretty...
{x} Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? fall/winter
{x} Vanilla or Chocolate? Vanilla
{x} Gloves or mittens? gloves
{x} Eyes open or closed? for what? O_o;
{x} Fly or breathe under water? fly. definately fly. although I might have to choose breathe under water if my significant other could as well... *wink*
{x} Bunk-bed or waterbed? waterbed. I've had one my whole life and I'm not giving it up.
{x} Chewing gum or hard candy? chewing gum, but it has to be mint
{x} Motor boat or sailboat? No idea.
{x} Lights on or off? I like places that have enough light where you can see, but not too much.
{x} Chicken or fish? SHRIMP! :9
What's your favorite:
{x} Number? *shrugs*
{x} Holiday? either Christmas or Halloween.
{x} Radio station? Radios are bad for your health.
{x} Place? Garden of the Gods
{x} Flower? I hate flowers.
{x} Scent? HALLOWEEN! [Yes there is a smell I associate with halloween]
{x} If you could be anywhere, where would you be? somewhere with all my friends
{x} What would you be doing? whatever we could
{x} What are you listening to? Nothing immediately
{x} Can you do anything freakish with your body? I can sit in a bunch of funky yogaish positions that no one else seems to understand o_O
{x} Do you have a favourite animal, no matter how lame it may be? Not really. I'm not an animal person.
last cigarette: smoking is gross.
last car ride: Coming home from school yesterday
last kiss: when daddy left for work
last good cry: about a week ago
last library book checked out: a book on halloween costumes...
last movie seen: a paris fashion show...
last book read: "stranger" by albert camus. Very good, i reccomend it.
last cuss word uttered: probably 'damn'
last beverage drank: my orange juice. it mad emy head hurt.
last food consumed: trail mix
last phone call: sean
last tv show watched: I dont remember o_O
last time showered: this morning
last shoes worn: my garfield slippers.
last cd played: Sarah Mclachlan "Surfacing"
last item bought: orbit gum
last annoyance: my dog... >_<
last disappointment: Being told I couldn't go to chicago
last soda drank: Cherry Coke
last thing written: blogging and poetry
last key used: Spare house key
last words spoken: "You just want it on computer paper?"
last sleep: 11:00 PM last night to 12:30 PM today x_x
last im: either Ash or Tara
last sexual fantasy: well, I dont get "sexual" fantasies, but last night I had an odd dream... o_O; [no i didn't have sex]
last weird encounter: *shudder* pedifile
last ice cream eaten: vanilla
last time amused: last night
last time wanting to die: last night
last time in love: why do you care so much about my love life? >_9
last time hugged: a few days ago
last time scolded: last night
last time resentful: *shrugs*
last chair sat in: the one I'm in now
last underwear worn: Hanes Her Way Pink bikini cotton. Specific enough for you?
last shirt worn: newsboys
last time dancing: supposedly I'm going to a dance friday... the last dance I went to was the Winter Formal last year but since my date ditched me like 3 daysa before the dance i didn't dance, but it was okay because I picked up something much better as a result ^^;
last poster looked at: Rosie the Riviter
last show attended: Waiting for Godot
last webpage visited: See Me Glitter
[10 BEST Bands/Artists you've seen live ]
1. Newsboys
2. Michael W. Smith
3. gosh i dont know
4. sure
5. why not
6. i dont see many life preformances
7. yay
8. woot
9. har har har
10. bleh
[9 Things you're looking forward to]
1. Halloween!
2. Christmas! [multiple reasons! ^^;]
3. gradutation
4. college
5. summer
6. falling in love
7. getting a haircut
8. LOTR Return of the King
9. seeing sean
[08 Things You Wear Daily]
1. my watch
2. glasses
3. gackt bracelet
4. a bra
5. underwear
6. a shirt
7. pants
8. my ank necklace
[7 Things That Piss You Off]
1. homophobia
2. general discrimination
3. people who hit on my boyfriend
4. irrationality
5. My heart
6. people who are inconsiderate
7. fogetting things
[06 Things You Touch Every Day]
1. My keyboard
2. My hair
3. My razor
4. Sean's drumsticks! ^^; [I always play with them when I'm on the phone o_O;]
5. Deodorant
6. Toothbrush
[05 Things You Do Every Day]
1. homework ;_;
2. blog
3. question myself and my relationships
4. talk
5. pass out >_<
[04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time or Hang out With]
1. sean
2. ash
3. megan
4. jessi
[03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over]
1. labyrinth
2. hobbit/lotr cartoons
3. evita
[02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment]
1. Gackt - Illness Illusion
2. DDR - Look to the Sky
[01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With]
1. sean
[3:14 p.m.]
22 October 2003
woke up today, could barely breathe and my chest hurt and my head was pounding, so I skiped school. And I don't regret it, either xp The good news, I have extra time to finsh my math and int relations. The bad news, I slept until 12:30 and just actually got up about, 10 minutes? ago? So now not only does my chest hurt and do I ache all over, but I am shaking because I slept too long. [For thoes of you still concerning yourselves with my eating habits, I did get up long enough to fix myself a sandwich.] And I have to teach little children about Jesus tonight. >_<; Meh.
If I had one wish, I know what I would wish for..
I think about that a lot. I don't know why. It bothers me how many worthless things I know about myself.
I feel like doing a survey. I think I will. [2:54 p.m.]
21 October 2003
sean, i was on but you were not. *sigh.* pity, i had thingsi wanted to discuss with you that i couldnt over the telephone. Open up to me, babe. Please. It's what I'm here for, and I know something's up.
I miss other sean from NY. Or maybe I just miss the way he held me when I cried. I think that is more it. I wish he lived around here. Cate too, and maybe Ian, and Britt. *laughs* what a bunch.
Damnit, I just made myself bleed again >_<;
I kinda doubt I'll make it to ten entries tonight. Ah well. Next time. [10:32 p.m.]
21 October 2003
STEPHEN!! QUIT SMOKING!! SMOKING IS BAAAAAD!!!!
I feel very lonely tonight...
Maybe that's why I have blogged so much.
This makes a record of 8 posts.
Wonder if I'll make it to 10.
*shrugs*
I've shrugged a lot lately. [9:37 p.m.]
21 October 2003
working on catchpenny again. ^_^ and i think I'm going to make a french mirror of the feuchsia project. what do you all think? *shrugs*
Well, Sean and Ash, I was trying to get ahold of you guys because leslie wanted us to see her preform tonight, but that's alright I guess. *sigh*
I wanna snuggle ;_; [7:02 p.m.]
21 October 2003
a warm hand holding mine
a gentle touch -- a paradox of your rough skin
a growing fear and passion
a kiss that went too far
a question left unanswered
a passion too intense
a darkness that wouldnt be missed
a regret for what was lost
a longing for a return to normalcy
a longing to remain different
a different... with you i wasn't.
and then it all comes back to me
you tell me to cry like you have cried
pain like you have pained
die like you have died
and i know we never loved each other at all
and i'm okay with that
but what was said was said
and we can't take that back.
my condolences, i know you were hurt.
my apologies, i know I am to blame.
my remorse that he and i are right.
...although that's a lie too.
so the cycle repeats.
another tear falls,
another tear waters the broken earth.
another kiss leaving me broken and longing
another passion that will make it nowhere
another remorse for a lying heart
and another apology for not being
the Woman i need to be.
[6:37 p.m.]
21 October 2003
me thinks i blog too much.
but hey, i was having serious withdrawl, thank you very much. I know it makes me sound like an obsessive couch potato with no life that has nothing better to do than whine online to a webpage that may or may not be read my the general public, and while you may be right there is a lot more to it than that.
I am a writer. I am a poet. I am an artist. I am a dreamer.
I am a blogger.
I cannot write out my thoughts, no matter how hard I try. there is somthing like an assurance that comes from typing directly my ideas into a computer. Perhaps it's something as simple as the fact that on the computer I have backspace and can insert things wherever I want, making revision easy. Or perhaps it's the constant pressure to modernize in a world where the pen is almost obsolete. Maybe it just seems like I'm talking to someone so much more when I blog than when I write. Maybe it's that I'm not talking to anyone at all...
I feel like composing. Be ready for more poems throughout the evening. [05:11 p.m.]
21 October 2003
Gay Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
[02:38 p.m.]
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
trichotillomania • rih-kuh-tih-luh-MAY-nee-uh • noun
: an abnormal desire to pull out one's hair
That is the coolest effing word ever. seriously. [02:24 p.m.]
21 October 2003
creamy features blend with dark eyes an curles
the light and dark
an emotional attachment all yours and all hers
watching through tears as i cant describe how i feel
or why i feel it.
all i want is perfection
not from you, heavens, that's already there
but rather for you...
You, you...
thoughts are running together
nothing to offer
worthless, aeolian; selfish, sinking
back into a world i created in my mind
where i am everything you ever dreamed of
in my mind... [1:44 pm]
21 October 2003
I AM FINALLY ABLE TO GET BACK INTO PITAS! >_<;
Sadly, I lost 2 weeks of bloggage.
Even sadder, I can't go to Chicago this weekend. Lo's mom won't take me. Think of me saturday, sean!! ;_; *kisses* [10 months baby! we'll have to celebrate when you get home ^^;]
Woke up depressed this morning and didn't understand it.
Will we burn in heaven
Like we do down here
Will the change come while we're waiting
Everyone is waiting
Sean, was something wrong last night? You seemed... distant. I don't know. Call me tonight. We'll talk then. We have to get together soon ;_;
On a lighter note, AP is awesome. ^_^; I thoought you knew that Tux was the linux mascot! i thought it was a spoof o_O; owell. ^^;;
Tell megan this weekend im really sorry that i couldn't make it,(i told her last night i would find a way, she was so upset that ash couldnt come and that i didn't know for sure) that i love her and will write her as soon as i can. [12:38 p.m.]
7 October 2003
Actually started reading ghf.com today. It didn't make me angry, just immeasurably sad. I used to be one of thoes people. I understand where they are coming from. But I understand both sides. I think the creators of this site are wrong. Terribly wrong. And they say the Bible contradicts itself. If God is Love (1 John 4:8) than how can he possibly hate? He cannot deny Himself. (2 Tim 2:13)
Romans 9:13. "As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated." I can't believe that. I don't know why I didn't catch that before. There has to be a mistake. If anyone has any information about translational issues or an explanation, please tell me. Please. [1:57 p.m.]
7 October 2003
i HATE chemestry. Passionately. [1:29 p.m.]
7 October 2003
last night kicked. except i dont think ashley agreed... ;_; nipuu! what's wrong? ;_; sean, ash and I went to Walters to play DDR, but of course we only had 10 minutes until they closed so we only got to play 2 games which we split between the 3 of us. After that we went to Grandy's [ahem] where a 32 yea old biker wanted to take me to California. It was creepy!! x_x; then we walked around some more and talked. Yay.
SEAN GAVE ME HIS DRUMSTICKS~! XD they make me immensly happy. I'm still not quite sure what I'm going to do with them yet... I'll display them somewhere in my room. I never imagined drumsticks could get so eaten up just from being used! X_x;; Speaking of which [not really] did you make it to 50, babe? *laugh, laugh, pass out* [8:09 a.m.]
6 October 2003
Which random GW object are you?
quiz by Ponderosa
and Psyche
[11:26 a.m.]
5 October 2003
why is no one posting on coffee talk?? >_<;; It's like, we posted for about 3 days and it was dead again. *sigh.*
i need to take a long bubble bath in candle light. I think I will tomorrow while I'm home alone.
I haven't been able to cry for like a week. I don't understand it. [8:58 p.m.]
4 October 2003
Went ddring last night. jessi, ash, and i met up with sean and his friends from bosse. i think over all i had a good time.
there were two particularly memorable moments last night.
1.) Sean and Ash walked outside. Ash came back in and told me sean was looking for me. i found him laying on a bench on top of a hill. I simply could not get over how incredibly gorgeous he was. seriously. it was one of the moments where i almost didnt want him to know i was there because i didnt want him to move. Lucky for me, for a while he didnt ^^;
2.) The car ride home. Long stares at each other that i wasnt sure what emotion to equate with. omg he's gorgeous. even though i can never figure out what he's trying to say to me when he looks at me like that, i can never hold back a smile becasue he is that amazing.
I think im joining d'alto elite. not only will i be getting good excersize, but i will finally learn how to dance, somthing i've always secretly desired. [6:49 p.m.]
2 October 2003
apparently im good at poetry. o_O;; ash has been printing out all my stuff. *shrugs* that's cool i guess. i've actually written a lot of poetry i just never have posted much of my stuff or let people read it because i never thought it was any god. and then i decided, what the hell that's what my blog is for, so kudos.
sega kinda worried me today. he was very "touchy," like he was freshman year. I felt very woozy today and every time I started swaying he would grab on to me and hold me close. Just little things throughout the day. Every chance he got it seemed like he was leaning against me or pulling me in for a hug. It bothers me becasue i don't know what he means by it.
Actually sat down and talked to Alex for a while today. That was nice. He's convinced I will get married and have kids. He is avoiding marrage also, but for entirely, much less selfish reasons.
I feel very alone...
please catch me [8:46 p.m.]
1 October 2003
Supposedly peppermint and dark chocolate imitate the feelings you get when you are in love, so when you are sad eating chocolate and peppermint is one of the best things you can do for yourself. I ate a lot of peppermint patties today.
At least I don't feel so... "feelingless" anymore. I would rather feel depressed than nothing.
I am seriously going to spasm if she makes us watch how-to watercolour videos in studio art again.
[9:07 p.m.]
30 September 2003
i hate you. i hate your laugh i hate your smile i hate your voice...
i hate the clothes you wear and the way your hair falls i hate your hands
i hate your skin i hate your eyes i hate your neck...
i hate you...
because i can't get enough of you [10:47 p.m.]
30 September 2003
im hiding somthing from you.
it's in a little black box tied with ticker-tape and yarn
the box is cracked and it splinters
and the insides are fragile
perhaps they are broken
I really don't know
It is my secret
and you will never know because i cannot tell you
if i told you it would be a lie
i guess it makes me a liar.
i have a little gold key that you can have
but it will not open my box
because it was i who created the fortress
for my secret.
my secret is not kind
i wish it didnt have to be a secret
but i am no hypocrite.
i am just a liar.
a liar
with a little black box tied with yarn. [10:18 p.m.]
30 September 2003
and if the stars burn out
and my eyes never open again
if i dont last through the night
be sure you know how much i love you.
if my tears are too much
and my heart stops beating
know that i never meant any harm.
know that i will miss you
just like i miss you now
and know that i truly want to make it up to you
but somehow justice will not be served
and you will wake up alone
just like you always have
time and time again... [10:14 p.m.]
30 September 2003
I'm exceptionally artistic!
Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.
[5:09 p.m.]
30 September 2003
>_o but that's okay because I can't think of what it is.
I am going to try my damndest to go to Chicago. I really want to. Like, more that I wanted to go to NY. especially if Megan will be there.
I tried to incorporate my pin in my still life self-portrait [it says "one sexy biatch"] but Ms. Goodridge said it was "a little TOO cute." Heh... ^^;;
Omg. That is too funny.
I think that I am not thinking.
Bleh.
I want to go out to dinner and a movie. I haven't done that with anyone for a while. I want to get a whole big group together and go out. I miss that.
I have to get ready to teach kids on Wednsday tonight. Bleh.
I want out of my art class. It's that bad.
I think I'm gonna go write Megan. Ciao all. [2:53 p.m.]
29 September 2003
*sigh*
complacency is probably the worst thing a person can feel.
i feel very complacent right now.
i think i'll write a story. [8:35 p.m.]
27 September 2003
Sean, when you get a chance call me. There's somthing I kind of want to discuss with you. x_x;
I don't have the energy to talk about anything else. Bah. [2:27 p.m.]
25 September 2003
i totally thought at the beginning of the week it was wednsday @_@ i get confused because my anniversary with Ryan was Chrsitmas Eve, and my anniversary with Sean is Christmas Day. Owell. Sean, I want to read your story!! Yay. Feushcia Project coming along well. Art History test next period. Over Egypt!! *heart* [8:07 a.m.]
24 September 2003
well ash is going with sean, molly, and lauren to chicago next month. when ash got permission i immediately felt sick to my stomache. i know that sounds selfish, but i couldn't help but think about how the original 4 members of Mao used to talk about going to Chicago together so much... I always had hoped the trip would work out.
I'll be missing the halloween dance again this year. [5:48 p.m.]
24 September 2003
Wow. I need to be reading. In a half an hour I have to write a timed writing over a book I still have like 150 pages left to read. I need to at least look at the spark notes. But here Iam. blogging. Becasue that's whan I do best.
Everyone tell me what you think of this. [Anyone who bashesme because it's on geocities needs to get a life. This is simply for preview purposes. The final project will be on sf.net. Yay.]
Okay you all, Halloween is on Friday this year. We have to do somthing. I'm not sitting at home in front of the computer all night and handing out sweet tarts. I'm just not doing it. I don't have too many more ears of Halloween left in me. I want to celebrate while I can, yo!! xp
I hate this computer. I can only open an html document online ONCE without editing it. -_-;; grr.... [7:56 a.m.]
22 September 2003
walked around with sean for a bit today. it was nice. i miss him. even though the last few minutes were kind of depressing, i did feel somewhat better after we talked...
beginning to have an appetite decline again. I was starting to feel sick at my stomache just hearing about food today. Ick.
sean says i blow things off a lot more than i used to. he's right. i do. but ive begun to realize that there's a lot of things that there is simply nothing i can do about. *sigh.* dinner time. [5:47 p.m.]
21 September 2003
how could you possibly do this? you worthless, fake coward. You aren't strong enough to stand up for what you believe in yet you expect others to respect you. you don't believe in anything except when its convenient. how can you handle yourself? how do you live like this? you dont belong here. good people belong here. liar, cheat, stupid, emo -- you make me sick. why do you even bother trying to be nice to people? all you are good for is making people see how disgusting humanity truly is. But then that's fake too. there are no bad people. only you. you are a bad person. get out before you spoil them all. that's all you can do. Stupid dark shallow phoney and made of cardboard. you hurt people. you hurt me and act like it's nothing abnormal. i wish you would die. Because that would kill me, and I want to die. [10:27 p.m.]
21 September 2003
so i posted. I really want to get that page back up and running. No one ever posts and therefore no one ever visits and no one has any idea what's going on in the lives of everyone else and THIS YEAR FUCKING BLOWS. >_<; [4:41 p.m.]
21September 2003
i was reading archives on the plog and i felt like crying. in a matter of months things went from heaven to hell. i hate life right now. why was i such an idiot last year? things were so awesome! but i was still depressed. now things genuinely do suck, and im still depressed. why cant i get it in my head that things are never goign to be like they were sophmore year?
...because in sophmore year i was starring in my own sitcom.
My life was awesome. I spent every day with the people I was closest to. I discovered so much about myself. I was dating someone who shared my adjective and was in every way a model of perfection. I was over a long-term crush I had been trying to get over for like 3 years. I was in decent health. My self-esteem shot up. I read a book by my own will and enjoied it. I got to see Sean in Thurber's Carnival. I met Tara. Katie proved to me just how much I did care about Sean. Leslie helped me recover from Andy's suicide threats. Amy and I re-bonded. I began wearing clothing I wanted to wear. I found contentment.
My life is dull and stressed and jaded. I am seperated from people I care most about. I am fake. My boyfriend changed his mind about the adjectives. He's not the Sean he used to be. I realize that I blew my chance with the one I cared about for so long and even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to date them and feel right about it. My heart is failing and I have cancer. I question myself more. I'm so sick of reading. I couldn't even try out for the play becase I'm not in drama. Last year I dreamed that Ash, Sean and I would preform together. I never talk to Tara or Katie or Leslie. Andy avoids me. Amy and I are growing more distant. I'm sick of clothes. I am restless.
I wish someone were online. I wish the sun were out. I wish I were old enough to drink. Both Beth and Dawn were talking about getting drunk tonight. Beth doesn't drink, but if she wer eold enough she would have. Dawn is of legal age and is probably tripping over herself right now. [12:16 a.m.]
20 September 2003
changing falling breathing wanting craving hurting crying more more more more....
leave me restless leave me breathless hold me tight but do not falter from a braver sweeter innocence tearing deeper deeper deeper deeper....
help me overcome a mass of thoughts streaming in and out and crying hold me hold me hold me hold me....
dont let me cry and help me know you better better better better....
because i'm afraid [8:35 p.m.]
18 September 2003
Saturday is my last day at Halmark. I'm so relieved.
SW and torque are both making progress. [I promise!]
visited amish folk today. Kinda interesting. They were pretty stand-off-ish, though. I can understand it.
yay. [10:58 p.m.]
17 September 2003
I feel weak and sick and my throat burns and my head is swimming.
I'm quitting my job. Miss Penny has pulled the last thread.
I lied. I'm not going to get my cancer removed Friday. I have to work -_-; I can't even get off for a doctor's appointment. How screwed is that? >_<
I absolutly adore Marcel DuChamp. He is a genius. L.H.O.O.Q.
I have a page ready for Sean to finish. It's scanned and everything. I'm excited.
I'm getting depressed again and I don't know why.
Might be staying at Ash's g-ma's on Friday. Kudos.
In two weeks I'll have a life again. Basically it came down to "If you can't work 20 hours a week, then quit." and I had to decide which was more important -- being able to see people I love or having a little extra cash in my pocket. Sadly, I probably can't go to NY now, and a car is out of the question. Completely out of the question.
I was so excited that I was going to have money for the holidays this year, too!! ;_; owell. Guess I'll be making everyone's presents again.
See You At The Pole was the most akward thing I've ever been to. Seriously. >_<; [10:26 p.m.]
16 September 2003
Tell me I'm not the only one that finds this both ironic and absolutely hillarious. Didn't Bush assume there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq as well? Haven't we yet to find proof of this? Where's the weapons that you used to justify war which can never truly be justified. It may be a neccesary evil at times, but that doesn't mean it is justified.
somthing bled all over my good white blouse. [The one taht goes with my netto suit!] It's blue now ;_;
I really want to hear "Piano Man" right now. That's such a great song. [The only song Andy and I ever agreed on!! ;_;] "Capitan Jack" is great too. I know it talks about drugs and all, but if you look it's actually talking about how drugs don't help the way people want them to. It's a sad song.
Speaking of Billy Joel, I kinda miss my friend Nick. I haven't seen him in ages. He quit coming by when he found out I got a boyfriend. Kinda like Ryan.
She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to live
She can take your or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
She steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me
She will promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me
[8:35 p.m.]
15 September 2003
what i need right now is a long bubble bath with soothing music in the candlelight and someone to talk to me. In person. Not telephone and not aim.
Some days I just want to grab someone and drive off somewhere and pull over just to look at stars and talk. I think that's part of the reason I want a truck. I've always imagined laying in the bed of a pickup with someone i cared for in the country away from the lights and just looking up at stars and talking about everything on our minds no matter how insignificant and daydreaming. I love daydreaming. Sometimes I think I love it more than anything else. Of course, it's what gets me in trouble more than anything else because I get good at confusing my dreams with reality. sometimes my daydreams make me cry.
I have had the worse case of deja-vu for liek the past month. Everything I dreamed like 4 years ago is happening, but i never remember the dreams until they actually happen. Weird. Very weird. [9:49 p.m.]
15 September 2003
I just finished inking one of the pages for torque!! ^_^ [It's not the first page which is totally illogical but that's okay because I wanted to do this page.] I am going to try to do the watercolour portion done at lunch and then scan it in and fill in text so Sean can colour the characters on the computer. Yay!! ^_^ The ink looks really good. I just hope I don't screw it up watercolouring the background x_x;; that would be sad. *sigh*
Haha... Sean and I are going to have genius costumes... ^^;; [Ash said she would go as Maggie as long as she got to carry around the puppet! ^^;;] haha!! xD
I am going to flunk my Africa test today. Damn. [11:45 a.m.]
14 September 2003
in baltamore there was a boy whos eyecolour i cant remember and when i cried he brushed away my tears and just held me close until the tears stopped. he never required an explanation or hesitated to hold my hands close to him. he just held me close like someone i had known for years the way i had always wanted to be held. i miss him. [4:32 p.m.]
13 September 2003
oki all!! I think I finished the template for the online newspaper. I want you all to tell me how it looks, k? The Signature Globe [I didn't think of the name, I only designed the page. -__-;] Yay!! ^____^ And guess who still hasn't lookd at the countries and capitols of Africa? *Me! Me!* [7:39 p.m.]
13 September 2003
yay for me. it's actually turning out pretty good so far. I like it anyway. It's blue. [5:39 p.m.]
12 September 2003
netto cloth doll stuff yay! I want to make a Haika and Putain plushie. ^^;; I'm looking for a good arbitrary doll pattern online, but I'll probably just make my own like I usually do for my plushies. If anyone else wants one let me know!! XD; Eventually I want to make the whole SW set and then Torque! ^_____^
Awe, sean looked so cute today in his little tie and button-down *^^* Sean, you should dress like that more often.
Woot!! I know how I'm making my dolls now, but I'm not sure aboutthe hair. Hm... I wonder if I'd be able to make a trench-coat pattern for Putain.... *evil grin* MAYBE I COULD MAKE THEM POSABLE!! XD haha!! that would be awesome beyond belief.
[8:57 p.m.]
12 September 2003
im finally reading El Goonish Shive again!! ^^;; I had time this morning after printing out my paper for art. I get to see sean after school today!! ^_^ [8:16 a.m.]
11 September 2003
I have always lacked the due respect for both cubism and abstract expressionism --
I won't lie. However, after
learning to control and develop these contemporary styles of 2-D art, I achieved an
understanding of works by artists such as
Picasso and Pollack and the conflicts they discovered while creating an effective
composition. Learning to control and conquer
the use of quick, dry brush strokes and loosen up my contour lines gave me a feel and
a new-found love for these controversial
styles. The human figure has always been my favorite subject in art; however, I have
never truly enjoyed realism. The abstraction
of the human form into intense, exaggerated forms is a common theme in all my
artwork that is done by my choice. My first
painting in this set of two, called "Study in Red and Blue," is a distinguishable
cubistic rendering of a male guitarist. My media is
black china crayon, which I have grown to love, with a watercolour wash. I chose to
use the pastel colours so I didn't lose the
intensity of my contour lines. Although the figure's feet touch the bottom edge of
the paper, a technique shunned by most artists,
I think it added to the effectiveness of the composition by making the presence more
demanding of attention. The mood I
expressed in the painting is very much what I was going for, and I had a wonderful
voridor101: time completing this. I think the strongest
part of this painting is the subject's legs. The elegant curve brings in a nice
contrast to the angular hands and face. The boxes
in the top just seemed appropriate and helped with balance issues. I like the
surrealistic "floating" feel that they give. My
second painting, "Study in Yellow," is far less recognizable as a physical form. I
used acrylic paint and never washed out my
brush. I let the colours swirl together, but made a conscience effort not to allow
them to blend and become muddy. It was
difficult to make my center of interest stand out, especially since it is a
completely abstracted image. There was initially little
contrast, however, and the use of colour that I hoped would correct my problem just
kept making things more neutral. Finally,
after speaking with Ms. Goodridge and some of my classmates, I began creating wider
brush strokes that acted as shadows
and highlights in certain areas creating the depth that I lacked in my composition.
Over all this was one of the most frustrating
pieces I've ever done, but I think it was very good for me and made me stretch to
new ideas. By abandoning my dependency on
tight, crisp contours and well blended shading, I discovered how different the
results truly are. [10:47 p.m.]
11 September 2003
life is swell! ^_^ *glomps everyone* and I am most definately changing my name to mandi michael. yo yo. [10:39 p.m.]
11 September 2003
hey sean? on friday [if you arent busy] you wanna just go down to the river after school? We can go downtown and maybe after that out to dinner [jaia's! XD] of course we'll only talk about going to dinner since we are both anorexic and all... but that's ok. bring paper too!! ^^;; [7:40 a.m.]
9 September 2003
they are pink and star-shapped and way too small for my head. ^_^;; But that's okay because they are cool none the less.
I am quite sucessfully finding everything I have to be happy about. It's a gift to be amused by the small things.
AP Studio Art is really sad this year. We have not had open studio once this year. Poor Whittney is absolutly miserable!! ;_; She told me that I could stop doing class assignments and work on my cards instead. There are a few I have to change, of course, but I think I just might finish them. Katie was interested in them. Ms. Goodridge thinks I could sell my designs. That would be kind of cool. Not what I initially had in mind, but my initial idea didn't factor in hurt.
Someone told me that I can't deal with my own problems. And I thought about it, and I realized that I can, it's just not the way most people see as dealing with things. I cry becasaue I feel better when I cry. I even started writing an essay about this a few weeks ago, but then abandoned the project deciding I should stick to visual art. I'm not self-sufficient by any stretch, but that's because I don't have to be. I could be if I tried to be, but there is no reason to try to be except to satisfy someone who obviously didn't care nearly as much has he said he did. [9:17 p.m.]
9 September 2003
sean, you are right. you are justified in everything you have said about me. I never said I was first, nor did I say I was last, and I don't need you to tell me that.
HOWEVER
You have no right to judge me. You have no idea what goes through my head no matter how much I tell you. I told you I don't like to whine to people. That's why I have my blog. I whine on it because it gives people a choice whether or not they want to listen to it. You wanted me to tell you what I was thinking. That's why I did.
I'm not waiting for my prince charming. I'm waiting for my old sean to come back to me.
And you? I can't possibly say anything bad about you.
I guess this means you are ready to push this aside, tell me that I was another riley, another emily. That breaks my heart, and I don't know what I'm going to do without you, but I hold true to what I said before, that I don't want to be with you if you don't want to be with me. If you hate me then don't call me. Block me off your aim buddy list. I won't call you. I'm sorry for everything I'v done. I'm sorry. I'm not self-sufficent. That's why I needed you. I needed someone to tell me that they cared about me and that I was important. You gave me that. And I am greatful. Hurt, yes, but greatful. You said once that there would be an end to the golden age. And thus the profecies were fulfilled.
I suppose this is what the tarot card said the day after you told me you were not x
I miss you, sean. I miss you and I love you. [There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.]
I won't pull the trigger because unlke you I believe everything happens for a reason, and me killing myself would disturb a devine plan that I shouldn't intervene in.
I thought I could trust you. You told me I shouldn't, but I didn't believe you. You were everything I ever dreamed of, so how could I go wrong?
I forgive you for everything you've said. But it still hurts.
Teach me. Instead of condemning me teach me to be self-sufficient. Or never talk to me again. Realize we were wrong from the start.
Maybe we should end it now anyway.
I really hope you want to talk about it later. [1:57 p.m.]
8 September 2003
someone tell me somthing happy. please. [11:01 p.m.]
7 September 2003
Everything that I always felt was so right seems so incredibly wring today.
More questioning of my church's interpretation of verses.
More questioning of every relationship I am currently involved in
More questioning of my own motives for everything
And every question that runs through my head makes me a little more aware of the fact that I am living a life that doesn't belong to me, and every thought questioning ownership makes me feel a little more distant and removed from all that's right and good.
Woe to ye who laugh now, for ye shall mourn and weep
I wish I could go somewhere, surround myself with beautiful people and watch the sun set over the ocean. [12:28 p.m.]
6 September 2003
"The instructor said,
'Go home and write a page tonight.
And let tat page come out of you --
Then it will be true.'"
And here it is.
My life is fairly new,
my veins a little blue
although I am the colour fuchsia.
Fine spaghetti hair
and a narrow second pair of eyes
that help me see the colour red.
I can't quite explain
why I draw or sing or write --
or listen to the clickity-clack
of keys beneath my fingers.
I try to smile with a lava lamp glow
though it's been called a "mourner's grin,"
which is true
in a caramel candy sort of way.
Sometimes I fall into an endless oblivion
of -bling-daze-cradle-plummit-pop-
and the sleeping sparkle
of an unborn child
or a tear unfallen...
but then it does.
well, comments? I don't care much for the first stanza [after the itallics] but that's alright. I think it suits me none the less. [9:46 p.m.]
5 September 2003
That's what my name would be had I been born in Ethiopia. Has kind of a nice ring to it. I actually really like that a lot. Now if I meet a guy with the last name of "Michael" I will have to marry him. Kudos.
Went to the mall with Ash tonight. Had a blast. Got my book back and the soundtrack to "Labyrinth." Ash got the "Chicago" soundtrack and she's gonna burn me a copy.
Dead Can Dance is a freaking netto band.
Stephen is the only one online. That makes me sad.
Mom is making another appointment for me to see the doctor. Not about my heart this time. I'm going to ask him again about the mole on my back he says looks cancerous. I really need to get that taken off.
Im ready, Father. Take me home. [10:15 p.m.]
4 September 2003
yeah. i have none. honestly. juggling four AP classes, a job, church, and extracirriculars, my life is packed. I'm stressed, tired, and excedingly lonely...
I'm trying so hard to keep a good attitude this year. I really am. I'm sick of being depressed all the time (part of the reason I took on the extra activities -- they help keep my mind off things) and I really want to take school seriously this year. It's important to me. Not only because I need to start thinking about college, but because I know I haven't been applying myself nearly enough. That sickens me.
On the other hand, I have gone back to exactly like middle school, where I had no social life. Sophmore year was the greatest year in my life, because I actually lived. Yes, living included making mistakes and failing, but in the end I grew so much and had so much more self confidence... and now all aspects of my social life are gone. The only place I get to talk to anyone is at school, and that's breif. I've been talking to Sean online some every night, but I can't even remember the last time he and I actually did something with just each other.
I've hurt my neck again, which isn't helping matters any.
I feel like I did well on both my chem and pre calc tests this week, and decent on AP Art History. I wish I could be a bit more enthusiastic about it.
I do look foreward to AP Studio Art, but we are so... restricted this year. We have not had open studio ONCE this year. Last year every day was open studio. Why?
Missed the teleconference with the sister of the Dali Lama today because of an Art History test. I was pissed.
I can't even rest when I sleep. I keep having very disturbing dreams every night and wake up feeling no more rested than when I went to sleep. My heart is doing better and I do feel hungry again at times...
If anyone actually read all of that, my condolences.
Ash, I want my book back. Preferably before Saturday. I know I won't get it though because it's after 10 on Thursday night. Damn.
Sean, I need samples of all of our work to show Garret Matthews. He is interested in buying our souls. Email me anything you would like him to see, or put it on disk and get it to me before next Thursday. Ash and I will probably get togther Saturday and work. I'd like to meet with the whole team again before Thursday, too. Just at Central or something for about an hour or two. Heavens, is that even possible? I can't remember my work schedual... I think I have crap mon thru wed. Damnit!! >_<;; Maybe mon after webdesign?? X_x;; Mr. Dalto wants to meet us all too. [that can come later] but I have some pretty neat layout ideas for him. Will require some cgi.
this entry is far too long. [9:44 p.m.]
3 September 2003
I woke up and spent an unusually long time in the shower.
When I got out I dressed myself and looked in my purse to get somthing out. I randomly found a five dollar bill. It made me happy.
Got to school and Andy talked to me. Commented on Led Zepplin's superiority over the Beatles. [Highly debatable.]
At lunch Andy and I play-fought. Haven't done that in a while. I passed out. My glasses flew off my face. While I had my eyes closed Andy was hovering over me. I felt someone's hand try to grab mine then pull away. It felt like Andy's hand. Someone stepped on my glasses. They looked pretty bad, but I got them bent back the way they were supposed to be.
Started bawling at voice lessons when I talked to Michael.
Got an opportunity for Camelot Towers.
It has been an odd day.
[6:15 p.m.]
2 September 2003
that's right!! mandi finally got off her lazy bohankus and got her new layout up and running! *^^* And now, a message to all the little people.
Sean, for the record, when you called the other night and you were trying to get me to tell you what was wrong, don't think that I just flat out didn't want to tell you. Quite the opposite, mon chere. It just wasn't somthing I could talk about on the phone without complete solitude. I promise, nine times out of ten when you drill me for information over the telephone I want little more then to run over, wrap myself in your arms and tell you every thought that's running through my head, [yes. i'm that tacky.] but I can't. Please drill, because sometimes that helps me more than anything knowing you care enough to, but when I tell you that I can't tell you understand that i can't.
Ashley, you worry too much. You know my depression comes and goes in phases. They leave as fast as the come. There are a lot of issues I'm trying to work out in my head right now and it's very frusterating, but this too will pass in time. A lot of them are issues I've been dealing with for years, and there's nothing you can do to help. I know because you've tried in the past. Just keep smiling and I'll be fine.
Cara-- link to your blog on my tagboard!! i thought it was linked here, but it's not.. o_O;; Does Luther have a blog? His drawings make me immensly happy.. *_*
You know what I hate? People that go around showing off scars on their wrists. Like it's somthing to boast about. I mean, cutting your wrists is bad enough, but when you go around showing it off like it's some sort of new fashion statement?! That's not depression. That's fishin'. -_-;; I hate that.
[9:09 p.m.]
1 September 2003
i found my complicaed tables laytout!! ^_____^ [although the youth group one is still no where to be found >_o;;] My cgi and EVERYTHING is still here!! XD woo! XDDDDDDD
For the confused, Halmark is closed on Labor Day. -__-;; [I must have read the scedual wrong... *le sigh*] [5:54 p.m.]
1 September 2003
Ugh. I have like 50 million data cds and I can't find any of my files. Eventually I'm going to go through and sort all my crap. Eventually. I think I lost my youth group site in an effort to move it from hard drive to cd. -_-; Along with my new blog layout that took me SO FREAKING LONG to get right. Grr.... Yeah. I definately lost them. *kicks self* not only that but I lost all my recent work. Including my cgi files and such. Isn't life swell? [5:27 p.m.]
31 Augus 2003
or maybe just glad to have the phone line back ^^;; anyway... just got back about 2 hours ago. Frankenmuth was AWESOME!!! XD;; I'll have to tell you all about it. But not now. I only have a little bit before I go to church and I want to call people.
My cousin is 6'5". His bride was 5'2". When they did the bridal dance it was too cute. [Mom says that's what me and sean are going to look like at prom ^^;;] About halfway through the song he got tired of leaning over and picked her up. It was adorable. Other than that, the wedding was clitche, plain, and totally unappealing [although I think I'm the only one who was there who would say that...] My new cousin [the bride's cousin] was checking me out. It was creepy. And so was the guy at the Karaoke bar [I didn't notice that one -- my cousins did.] But he was gross. He was sucking on his nasty cancer stics and sang music by N'Sync. Not even on pitch. At least I had the decency to sing GOOD music. hey jude.... don't make it bad.... And lori was pitching pennies at me ^^;;
And I got a kit-kat klock! XD you guys know the ones that were popular during the depression with the big eyes that roll back and forth and the tails that wag? They look kinda like Felix the cat. I love it. ^_^ I also finally got a Beatles lunchbox. Too cool.
I'm gonna try to call people. Anyone up for lunch tomorrow? I have to work at 4:30, but I would like to do somthing if we can... not a big deal if you all have plans tho. Ciao. [4:55 p.m.]
28 August 2003
my home sweet home! [NOT!] I'm in Gary. That's right. I have a wedding to go to [tomorrow?] Fun. -_-;
it's not thursday anymore. whooopee. [11:57 p.m.]
27 August 2003
take me to some place exotic -- where?
who knows? who cares? /i'll tell you when we get there./
unsure, insecure
/what does the world expect of me?/
distaste of normaily, morality
and so content to please no one
in your search for a love truer, deeper
restless, indecisive
and you laugh because it's all you can do
and you cry -- a single tear for yourself
because no one will cry it for you.
and I promise you, it's not someone you'd expect me to write a poem about. I was going around writing arbitrary poetry [speaking of arbitrary...] about people I know and I was pleased with this one. I know it's not great [I'm much better with line and form than words and rhymes] and 'casting lots' is still the best thing i've ever done, but still... Might post a few more later after I tweek them. We'll see.
Going to a wedding this weekend. Bah. And I have to work on my day off school [monday]. ;_; but not until 4:30. If any of you can do something before that let me know. I don't know why but I've been kinda lonely lately. *sigh*
I have art tomorrow. I can safely say I'm almost done with the drawing portion of the major arcana and hope to have them all drawn by the end of class tomorrow, as long as Ms. Goodridge doesn't lecture all period again -_-;; I'm so much happier with this set. I'm spending more time working out fine details and it's just all-around better. If things continue to run smoothly I will have the whole deck done by Christmas *crosses fingers* [9:45 p.m.]
24 August 2003
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! XD [10:22 p.m.]
24 August 2003
omg. u_u I'm tired. But in a much better mood than I have been. So that's good. I just [for the most part] finished my homework... Yay for me. The sermon this morning really made me think. A lot. Pastor was out of town so Rev. Sloat preached. Some of the verses he quoted made me wonder how accurate my interpretations of scripture are. To think about. [3:39 p.m.]
23 August 2003
I wasn't happy with the first set so I tweeked them. The one of Tara turned out SO GOOD!!!! ^_^ [doesn't look like tara -- she doesnt have glasses.... but it's still netto-looking]
I spent the night with Ashley last night... heh... heh... [you all won't be getting many details about that one!! ^_~ JUST KIDDING!] We drew and talked and listened to music all night. We tried to watch a movie she borrowed from Sean but it was all fuzzy-like and it didn't want to clear up. By that time It was like 3 in the morning though so we were about to fall asleep anyway.
So far Ash and Tara are able to do somthing Monday... now lets just hope everyone else can!! *crosses fingers*
Today kinda sucked. But that's alright. I slept through most of it. I hate doing that. Seems like such a waste of daylight. I would much rather sleep at night when it's dark and lonely and depressing... *sigh*
Sean, I miss you!! ;_;
[9:07 p.m.]
22 August 2003
Well, Ash, I did write you a note like you asked me to [God knows why a note... haven't done thoes since freshman year...] but it was very short and in no way explained what you wanted to know and therefore I decided not to bother giving it to you. Anything that I'm depressed about is described in about as much detail as I'm going to get on this blog.
Sean stopped by after school today. I wish he would have been able to stay longer. It seems like forever since I've been able to really spend time with him. And this weekend is booked. The only day we could possibly get together before Nic leaves is Monday. Everyone, please tell me that you all can do something. I think I'll cry if you can't. Speaking of Monday, does anyone know the significance? I'll give you a cookie. Still unsure how it happened.
I feel so blah.
XD
it's been too long since I posted one of thoes here. Although I really have nothing to laugh about.
I asked Sean to interview me. [See his plog if you don't know what I'm talking about.] We'll see. As much fun as he is to snuggle with, he is a major procrastinator.
I think I'm going to take a walk and write more bad poetry. Ciao. [4:35 p.m.]
21 August 2003
I have no social life anymore. And my boyfriend and I don't have time for each other. Welcome, Mandi, to the real world. Looks like my story-book life has come to an abrupt hault.
The models at hottopic.com are funny. You should look at them.
I tink I might gat This one is cute too, but it's also more expensive.
Wow. I have just wasted about a half an hour looking at clothing which I have no intention of ever buying. I'm trying to work on homework but I just can't concentrait. I think I'm gonna try to do chemestry for a while. [6:36 p.m.]
20 August 2003
actually I'm not. so why do people think i am? >_< [9:55 p.m.]
19 August 2003
Damnit, I really wanted to talk to people tonight... i don't understand why I can't connect to aim!! ;_;
I don't understand it. I really don't. Life is wonderful, but I can't be happy. It's so crazy, but not an uncommon occurance for me. Tomorrow is a new day. Yet part of me wishes it wasn't.
Ashley fears death. I fear life.
I've been thinking about Ash a lot lately. I've been thinking about everything that's happened to us. I've been thinking about the way things were and the way things are. Sometimes my thoughts frighten me.
I've thought a lot about Sean lately, too, although not the same way I usually think about him. Perhaps that's not so bad.
In five minutes I return to the place where once again my thoughts will suffocate me. Sometimes it's too much. Sometimes I want to run away and throw myself against the pavement and cry and melt into oblivion. But tonight I don't think I have the energy even to cry.
Why am I sad? Perhaps I'm not. Perhaps I'm just tired, have been tired for days...
In 6 days Sean and I will have been dating for 8 months. I have no idea why.
I care about him too much. [9:56 p.m.]
18 August 2003
There are just some days when nothing seems to make sense and everything seems to happen in the worst possible way...
I miss everything about Sophmore Year. I mean, yeah being a Junior is great and all... but still...
*bangs head on desk* [9:44 p.m.]
17 August 2003
Jacky is not an all-in-all remarkable person.
Often it seems like she thrives off of drama, be it her own or the people's around her. I suppose that is why it's not so odd that she takes such an interest in my life. She is always open to talk, although sometimes I feel like she doesn't listen as well as she wants me to think she does. Our conversations always lead back to her problems, not mine.
Tonight she asked me how my dizzy spells were doing. I didn't give her a straight answer, but I did explain to her that they are always worst when I'm upset or stressing about somthing.
You're stressing about somthing. It shows in your eyes.
My eyes... I've spent much of the evening crying. Why? I'm not sure I know. That's a lie. I do know. But its out of my control and crying isn't going to help matters.
I don't know why I've been so void of everything lately... void of reason, void of energy... my body just keeps breaking down more each day...
I'm getting metter in some regards. I really am. Or I was. I'm learning. And taking stairs at school is helping too... So why do I feel weak and defeated? Shouldn't I be happy? Why do I cry over things that shouldn't matter? Why am I afraid to face the insanity of my own revolution?
my heart aches.
[9:39 p.m.]
17 August 2003
i had heard of both of them but had never actually HEARD them so I picked up a couple albums at the library yesterday. Yay...
Are we getting togethere today?? o_o
[12:53 p.m.]
16 August 2003
i just realized it this morning *bows* sorry lil-chan!! I honestly thought that I had put a link to you on this page!! *le sigh*
Well I pretty much have the tables coded out for the new layout's main page. I'm going to have other pages too. Now I just have to figure out colours and images and titles and css and stuff and it will be all ready to go. The good news is I finally took the time to unt=derstand tables!! ^^;; heh... heh....
Are we getting together Sunday?? o_o I will have between 12:00 [3:00 if I eat at Grandma's] and 6:30 [I have to be at Chior at 6:45]. If I eat at g-mas that will still give us about 3 and a half hours whichj isn't too bad. I would like to just go to someone's house and watch movies and chill or talk or somthing. *shrugs* If you guys wanna go somewhere though that's cool too, but i need the heads up so I can work things out with my folks.
My shoulder keeps reminding me that it hit a wall really hard last night. ;_; [10:23 a.m.]
15 August 2003
sadly i can't make the layout i'm working on without them. *sigh.* Owell.
Went to the mall tonight. I was looking at cars with my parents and suddeny sean pops out of nowhere on his bike and calls out "hi!!!" and keeps riding. O_o;; And then he turns around and asks me if I want to go see Coli and Ash at the mall. So I was like, Ok, whatever. So we did, and we stayed until the mall closed. It was fun. Although I couldn't tell if Coli hates me or not. Kinda sad. She seems really cool though. I see why sean thinks so highly of her.
After I got home I was just about to go clean up and get ready for bed when I got a call from Andy. It was odd. We didn't fight or yell or argue or anything. *shrugs*
A lot of things going through my head. Many of which I want to kick myself for thinking. Wanna go out and pick up sean and drive into the country and look at stars and talk until 2 in the morning. When I get my car I think I'm going to do that sometime.
gotta go to bed. it's 11. will be grounded if i don't. [10:52 p.m.]
14 August 2003
that's ight. and i actually sketched it out this time. like, on paper. it's very div-ish. im kinda dreding coding it. but it's all good. i need a picture of myself tho. *le sigh* owait, i think i found one. we'll see how it works. woot!! it's working. x_x;; it turned out netto man! XD;; i grayscales it and am now colourizing different parts [like my lips and hair and eyes] and the colours are obviously fake, but it looks good. ^_^ that makes me happy. ole. [9:32 p.m.]
12 August 2003
a dark, dreamless sort of slumber
with eyes that can hear the silence
and ears that can watch the peppermint stardust.
it hurts...
it hurts like caramel made with too much sugar
that melts on your tongue and is more bitter than sweet;
and it hurts like the taste of the rain before it falls.
[9:28 p.m.]
11 August 2003
*ding ding ding!* that's right! everyone's favorite flamer, dusty bottoms! xD I really love that guy ^^;; *glomps dusty* Awe... sig is not right without all you guys ;_; *sob sob choke* ok. i'm over it. OMG!!! i still get to take french after all!! xD The new french teacher [not even sure of her name] said that i might be able to go in at 7:30 for a daily french class!! ^_^ that makes me happy... ^^;; And we all get sig email addys!! XXXXXDDDDDD;;; *ahem* yeah. Newayz... so how was you all's day? x_x;;
*a bit hesitant about taking journalism...* X_x;; but that's okay because Ms. Gregg is the sweetest person you could ever meet. I told her today that my mom had some concerns about some of the reading we would do and she had a long answer for me i'm not going in to, but afterwards she gave me a note with a sad face that said somthing along the lines of "i think in trying to make you more comforatable I made you less comforatable. Did I? Yikes!" ^^;;; No Ms. Gregg, I'm just worried about my mother. That's all. u_u; Looking foreward to another year with Ms. Goodridge too!! ^____^ *glomps Ms. Goodridge* AND THE FRAU IS SO FUNNY!!! I love her!!! :D I still haven't met my chem teacher though... *scared* [6:33 p.m.]
10 August 2003
omg... ash have you listened to the two towers ost yet?? o_o;; I got it from the library and because i like lyrics so much there is only one song i've actually been listening to, but WE HAVE TO SING THAT SONG!!! it is so netto!! It's called "Gollum's Song." I don't think it was in the movie [although I was only half-way paying attention.... when it comes out on video I'm goign to try watching it again without sean *ahem* not what you're thinking you perves.]
Are we doing somthing today?? O_o;; It was talked about yesterday... I will be home from about 12:00-1:00 if you want to call me, or after 3:00~ish... I think I'll call ni after church. I *think* i have youth group tonight at 6:00 but I'm not sure I might not since Kurt is in Texas. I'll have to find out this morning.
I can't believe dad pulled me out of bed at 6:00 this morning. >_< I don't have to be at church until almost 10:00!! ;_; owell.
Oh!! Sean!! You remember when me and you talked about going into a mini-webdesign business? Well my dad is pushing me towards that again [he says me you and ash should work together] and ash is 100% interested and her dad can help us because that's what he does -- helps get small businesses off the ground/advertising. If you are still interested i think it would be great!! We all need to start on portfolios of our best work in both html and cgi. Daddy says there are a ot of businesses having trouble getting sites started. [In his company the person in charge of the computers knows about as much about them as my mother, which really makes no sense.] They pay pretty good money to webdesigners. We wouldn't be able to get full pay I'm sure being that we are amatures... but still. Call me and let me know if you are interested, oki?? ^_^
I think I am done. This is getting to be a rather lengthy entry... *waves* y'all come back now you hear?? xD [8:47 a.m.]
9 August 2003
omfg. the show went incredibly well. [i only went off pitch once and that was hardly noticable!! :D] not only did the solos go great, but our skit was fucking awesome. Or material wasn't good at all, it wasn't funny, but ash and i had the whole auditorium rolling. xD Daddy got most of it taped but sadly he didnt get the best part where i sang "zip-a-dee doo dah" while prancing around like a sick giraffe at the beginning of the skit. Odarn.
i finisheda picture for Cate [my friend from workcamp.] I promised her I would make her one. I'm going to print it out all pretty-like and mat it and send it to her ^_^ yay!!
happy birthday jessica/mrs. compall! ^_^
But sean is very right. This week blows the big one. [10:56 a.m.]
8 August 2003
gah. I sing tonight. I'm sort of excited, I guess. I hate recitals. After years of screwing up every single piano recital I was in the word "recital" leaves a bad taste in my mouth. So let's just call it a show. It is more of a show, after all. I'm going to be in a couple skits and there will be an opening and ending song and I will have my solo somewhere in the middle... *shrugs.*
I have a feeling that somthing is wrong. It's like the nervous feeling in the pit of your stomache when your parents catch you doing somthing you know you shouldn't be doing and there is a long pause before they say anything. It's like that. Am I just nervous about singing tonight? Maybe. But I haven't been getting stage fright at all for the past few times I've been on stage.
I got my books today. I ended up takign for my 3 electives AP Art History, AP 2D Art, and Journalism. I'm looking foreward to all of them, but I'm going to have to get my last French credit in somwhere. I refused to give up AP Art for French. Owell.
I feel very... reclusive today. I don't know why. I'm sure if I were actually with my friends I wouldn't feel like this...
I get to wear my new suit tonight. Kudos. [3:21 p.m.]
5 August 2003
Tara just left to look for my binder... [the one with all my artwork in it.] It will be a miricle if she finds it. I told her it was gone and like that *snaps fingers* she was off to go find it. Tara, you are my hero. Whether you find it or not, I appreciate this so much. You don't understand how upset I was when I found out that I had lost another year's work.
My heart is pounding so hard it makes my chest hurt. I had an asthma attack this morning and didn't have an inhaler. It was not cool. Why do I blog about this?
It's official. My parents don't like my boyfriend. You know what? They can deal with it. Because I do like him. A lot. He means more to me than they realize and I'm not giving him up.
And the line from Mr. Deeds "I'm sorry, all I heard was 'blah blah blah I'm a dirty tramp'" made me giggle.
This is the worst day I have had in a long time. I guess that's not so bad though. All my problems are so trivial compared to the real world. Oh no! My parents hate my friends and i lost my sketchbook and my chest hurts the world is coming to an end!! I disgust myself. [9:09 p.m.]
5 August 2003
i have now lost a total of 3 1/2 years of artwork. That's right. I left my binder with everything i had done as of late in it at the park and we couldnt find it. I don't want mom to take me back looking for it because I don't want to risk her seeing my drawings. Torque is gone. So is some work on Street Walkers, but the fact that Torque is gone... i'm not sure it's quite fully registered yet. All that I haven't lost is what is scanned on the computer [not much] and the card designs I'm working on for Sean, but I'm not sure where thoes are right now either. I could shoot myself.
Mom... isn't too happy with Sean at the moment. She says this is the second time he's set me up and that I need to find a new boyfriend.
Ash and I had a long discussion about God today, too. That was pleasant. [note the sarcasm]
And I hurt my dad by lying to him. *smacks self* Why?? Why am I like this?? Why am I so horrible? I hate myself. I really do.
Did I mention that mom says I look like I've lost weight? Yeah. We were walking inside and she looked at me and said that I had lost weight. That's not good. I mean, I look it now?
Time number 3 I've been in real danger. Almost fell off the swings today.
And Ashley's mom still thinks I'm a little tramp. Which really isn't too far from the truth. I hate that. I mean, I don't go sleeping around or anything [I'm a proud virgin] but I forget too quickly things that happen and move on a bit too fast. I'm a horrible person. Mom says Sean doesn't deserve me. No, I don't deserve Sean. [6:21 p.m.]
4 August 2003
I'm getting better. No one seems to believe this, especially not Sean. Or Ash. What they don't understand is that the way my body reacts to things is very much psycological. The only time I get woozy is when I am depressed about somthing, and my depression had been doing a lot better. Granted tonight was kinda worse than normal, but people worrying about me is not going to help my case.
Truth be known this may be an answer to prayer. Every day is a day closer to when Daddy takes me home... [10:48 p.m.]
3 August 2003
Sean and Tara, tonight was great. Stephen and I hung out most of the evening and we had a BLAST. [Kurt didn't even preach at all!! all he did was tell us to sign thank you cards for everyone who had us over this summer...] Hm... Sean, I want to explain to you why I want you to go to church so badly, but I don't think this is the place to do it... u_u;; Call me tomorrow if I don't talk to you on aim tonight. [kinda hoping you sign on so i don't have to actually say what i'm thinking @_@;;] ... *BAH!!* okay I'm going to email you [canadia@inbox.lv] because I have 15 min and nothing to do and I really want to explain this before I forget what I want to say. >_o;; So, CHECK YOUR MAIL ONNA!! xp; [9:43 p.m.]
1 August 2003
^_^ that's right!! more of mandi being happy with her life! ^_^;; after having a long drawn-out dscussion about street walkers with sean things are really looking good!! i'm hoping to oficially get started on it in a matter of weeks. ^_^ NOT TO MENTION the fact that Torque is finally being started up again!! This time it's turning out great and IN TECHNICOLOUR! XD [okay I lied it's all cgi...] but it is in colour. ^_^ I have the first page completely finished and the first 4 or 5 pages drawn [after working on it for 2 days!!] and i'm hoping to get another page completely done this weekend... [but no promises... weekends are bad for working on such projects. it's a long drawn-out story, but i'll probably be doing more drawing than colouring on weekends.] WOOHOO~! XD [8:03 p.m.]
1 August 2003
^_______^
Today is a groovy day.
Odarn. I have to go. My parents are taking me out to eat. talk to you all later! ^_~
~kii [5:48 p.m.]
31 July 2003
Three older golfers practice their swings at the range while a fourth goes to grab some drinks for them.
While the fourth is gone the other three start bragging about each of their sons success.
The first one says "My son is Such a successful car dealer that he gave a brand new Mercedes Benz to his good friend for nothing."
The second one says "My son is such a successful realitor that he was able to give his good friend a million dollar house for nothing."
The third one says "Well my son is such a successful investor that he was able to give his good friend a stock portfolio worth millions for nothing."
Just then the fourth golfer come out with the drinks. The other three ask him what his son does.
The fourth golfer says "Well I just found out my son is gay, but it seems to be working out for him because his last 3 boyfriends gave him a Mercedes Benz, a million dollor house, and a stock portfolio worth millions." [6:15 p.m.]
31 July 2003
CHECKIT!! XD I'm so proud of that... it's not *quite* done, i still have to do some more shading [somthing i do completely different than you do, tsu..] ...I have to go to Walmart >_o;;; so... lemme know what you all think!! ^_^ [3:03 p.m.]
30 July 2003
Well, i needed to find a new host for my images anyway. u_u;; owell. BUT!! I've started working on art for Torque again!! :D yay!! [Like artbook-style, not the actual comic...] I am hoping to start on the comic tomorrow... I have learned a lot from the books I checked out [believe it or not] and I'm really hoping that this time it turns out well.
Sean, how long was I out after I played DDR? Amy says it was like 3 or 4 seconds... I didn't know I was out for that long!! ;_; It seemed like I just fell over and was back... u_u;;
Can we go to Wessleman's on Saturday? I have no idea why, I just kinda... want to? x_x;; Yeah.
My neck hurts...
But my shoulder is better.
EVERYONE HAS TO COME TO ME AND ASH'S RECITALS!! XD I can't remember the exact dates... but you all have to be there!! ^_^ We are singing together one night even!! Yay!! :D [Sorry all, it's not a love song. I know you are all dissappointed...] Although we would make one helluva duet for Dangerous Game!! XXDDDDDDD;;; *cough cough*
My work here is complete. [9:41 p.m.]
30 July 2003
If I were a month, I would be: October
If I were a day of the week, I would be: Saturday
If I were a year, I would be: 1965
If I were a time of day, I would be: Early Afternoon
If I were a planet, I would be: Neptune
If I were a sea creature, I would be: Anenome
If I were a direction, I would be: South
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: Stepstool
If I were a historical figure, I would be: VanGogh
If I were a liquid, I would be: Hot Tea
If I were a gemstone, I would be: Hematyte
If I were a tree, I would be: Apple
If I were a bird, I would be: Pigeon
If I were a tool, I would be: Wrench
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Aloe
If I were a type of weather, I would be: Rain
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: Water Nymph
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: Cello
If I were an animal, I would be: Elephant [not be physical apperance... o_o;;]
If I were a color, I would be: Feucia
If I were an emotion, I would be: Wistful Depression
If I were a vegetable, I would be: Broccoli [Tomatoe is not a fruit, lil!! lol...]
If I were a sound, I would be: silence
If I were an element, I would be: Water
If I were a car, I would be: A dodge.
If I were a song, I would be: Existance, by Kevin Max
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: no clue
If I were a book, I would be written by: Robert Frost
If I were a food, I would be: Dark Chacolate
If I were a place, I would be: China
If I were a material, I would be: Muslin
If I were a taste, I would be: Strawberry Candy
If I were a scent, I would be: Cheap Wine
If I were a word, I would be: Drop
If I were an object, I would be: Old Carpet
If I were a body part, I would be: A Big Toe
If I were a facial expression, I would be: Forced Smile
If I were a subject in school, I would be: Social Science
If I were a number, I would be: 6 [5:09 p.m.]
28 July 2003
This is hapiness. It's all about Scott, yo... ^^;;
I want to go somewhere far away...
[4:53 p.m.]
24 July 2003
For some odd, unexplainable reason, for the past few mornings I have been super-happy and have felt like everything in my life is right [even though it isn't] o_O;; YAY!! XD
And it didn't hit me until after I hung up that I had absolutly no idea why Sean said "thank you" last night after our coversation about Chris. [I actually spoke my mind a little!! *le gasp!*] I guess all I can do is pray that Chris will apologise. I still think revenge is the stupidest philosophy anyone could adopt. I mean, why stir up more hatred? What good would that do? Returning to the 60s... GIVE PEACE A CHANCE! XD;; [Kyle: "Mandi, you are such a flower child."] I read over some of my old notes from 8th grade. Not only did it make me realize how incredibly sappy Rebecca was, but it helped me get evidence for my anti-revenge policy. Shall I explain? Alright.
First of all, let it be known that Becca said that although she practiced Judaism, she viewed Jesus of Nazereth as a great prophet. This is important.
Becca and Kim were best friends. They did everything together. It worked. The group consisted of Mandi and Ashley, who are best friends to this day, and Megan and Jessi, who can say the same. Well, one day Kim came up and told us that her family was moving to Florida. We were all, as expected, very upset. I had never been particularly close to Kim, but being the kind of person I am, when she passed around a little book for us all to write in I wrote a particularly nice letter. After that Kim wrote me a note in response which kind of floored us all. In the note she made the statement "I will miss you most of all." Now, her biggest mistake ws showing it to Becca to proofread before she gave it to me [she is not the best speller.] I think that's what started the war. I, of course, was very much against conflict, and I did everything I could think of to get them to stop fighting. I stuck up for Kim, because she was the one interested in stopping the fighting. I wrote Becca a long note that I never meant to offend anyone with, but ended up offending Becca and making Megan and Jessi not too happy with me. The note basically said "If you consider Jesus to be such a great prophet then why can't you accept his teachings of letting go and forgive&forget?" Becca wrote back saying that I shoved Jesus down her throat and she was very offended. After that, somehow the whole group floated toward Becca leaving Kim and I behind with an attempted rumor that we were lesbiens. Eventually they made a contract that everyone on Becca's side signed saying that they were breaking off all communication with us. Seeing Ashley's name on that paper hurt the most. I attempted to make up with Becca, and was almost successful, but it was hard, being that Becca had my best friend against me and I was all that Kim had. Everyone was out to get everyone. Kim's hatred for becca grew every day because every day was another day that her ex-best friend made it obvious that what she did was unforgivable.
Let me say that again.
Kim's hatred for becca grew every day because every day was another day that her ex-best friend made it obvious that what she did was unforgivable.
Kim and Becca never made up.
Jessi always took the side Megan was on, whether it was mine or Becca's [she eventually switched back to mine saying that she realized how stupid everyone was being] and Ashley... she still hung on to Becca, but we eventually did make up. [It was a slow, painful process, but it happened.]
Becca and I even sort-of made up after Kim left. It was a fake friendship though. Friends just so we wouldn't fight. Neither one of us really liked the other.
Becca moved to Washington DC because her father got a business opportunity there. Things were easier after that. None of us kept in touch.
That's why I'm so against revenge. [9:57 a.m.]
22 July 2003
Click here to see a picture of my work crew! Yay!! ^_^ I don't remember the dog's name though... >_o;; [9:49 p.m.]
22 July 2003
*sigh* There are a great many places I would rather be than the showing of my friend's dead grandfather today. I have been to too many funerals and showings in my life. Yet still I am never quite sure how to act at them. I've never actually met her Grandfather, but you don't go to showings for thoes who have passed away. You go for thoes who are left behind.
Pray for me, and pray for Katie's family.
It's time to pick up Sean. [3:26 p.m.]
Sunday, July 20, 2003
Has anyone seen my wallet? Lily, I think I left it in your car x_x;; If anyone knows anything call me, k? thanks!! [09:16 a.m.]
18 July 2003
[[ Name ]] Mandi
[[ Nicknames, including from family ]] Yuki, Kii, Sis, Man >_o;;
[[ Birthday ]] 24 March 1987
[[ Age ]] 16
[[ Astrological sign? ]] Aries
[[ Chinese zodiac sign? ]] Rabbit
[[ Location ]] Evansville Indiana
[[ Marital Status ]] Almost 7 months of dating that skank ho.
[[ Current Haircolor ]] blonde ^_^
[[ Eyecolor ]] blue-gray
[[ Height ]] 5'2" ish?
[[ Weight ]] last time i checked 107...
[[ Parents still together? ]] Yes... :/
[[ Siblings? ]] An older brother with his own place
[[ Nieces/Nephews? ]] Nah. He's never gonna find someone "good enough for him"
[[ Kids of your own? ]] HA!! HAHA!!! X_x;; no.
[[ Pets? ]] A weenier dog! XD and a bonsai tree O_o;;
[[ In school/graduated? ]] Junior at Sig School baby! XD
[[ What do you do for work? ]] house chores?
[[ How much do you make? ]] nothing
[[ Have any credit cards? ]] nadda
[[ What do you drive? ]] i drive?
Preferences
[[ Black and White/Color ]] depends. I like black and white photos, colour movies, and both in most everything else.
[[ Black/White ]] Black
[[ Red/Blue ]] Blue
[[ Dogs/Cats ]] dogs i guess. I hate animals.
[[ Roses/Daisies ]] I hate flowers, too.
[[ Beer/Liquor ]] Never had liquor, so I can't say. [beer=BAD]
[[ Boxers/Briefs ]] uh... o_O;;
[[ Hair: Short/Long ]] depends
[[ Boots/Shoes ]] HOOKER BOOTS! XD
[[ Food: Mexican/Italian ]] Italian usually
[[ Dark/Light ]] Hm... if I'm alone or with a group then light. If I am with one other person that I am very close to then dark.
[[ Day/Night ]] Usually day, I get depressed at night.
[[ City/Country ]] o_O;; uh...
[[ Sheets: Solid/Animal Prints ]] Solid xp animals are bad!!
Favorites
[[ Color ]] Charcoal gray
[[ Animal ]] i guess frogs.
[[ Vehicle ]] none
[[ Flower ]] >_o
[[ Beer ]] I don't drink
[[ Liquor ]] Same as above
[[ Soda ]] Cerry Coke
[[ Food ]] i dont eat.
[[ Book ]] at the moment the hitchiker's guide.
[[ Author ]] none really
[[ Band ]] Beatles.
[[ Male Singer ]] GACKT!
[[ Female Singer ]] hm... dont think i have one
[[ CD ]] Mars
[[ Song ]] At the moment "Roller Coaster" by Blink 182>
[[ Movie ]] Labyrinth ^_^
[[ Director ]] o_o none
[[ Country ]] hm... cant decide
[[ State ]] >_o
[[ City ]] bah!
[[ School Subject ]] 2d Art
[[ Movie genre ]] romantic comedy/fantisy
[[ Extracurricular Activity ]] drawing
Do you...
[[ Color your hair? ]] the tips
[[ Have tattoos? ]] nope
[[ Piercings? ]] my ears -- i want a bellybutton ring
[[ Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both? ]] yes. i have both. Their names are Sean and Sean.
[[ Floss daily? ]] No
[[ Own a webcam? ]] sort of
[[ Ever get off the computer? ]] occasionally
[[ Sprechen Sie Deutsch? ]] huh?
[[ Hablar Espanol? ]] quoi?
[[ Quack? Quack quack? ]] QUACK!
[[ Gotten a speeding ticket? ]] dont drive
[[ How fast? ]] ~_~
[[ DUI? ]] xp
[[ Been in a wreck? ]] no
[[ Been arrested? ]] nah
[[ Stolen a car? ]] oh, you caught me.
[[ Smoke? ]] never
[[ Pot? ]] nope
[[ Crack? ]] No
[[ Drink? ]] No
[[ Been so drunk you couldn't remember your name? ]] No
[[ Been so drunk you didn't care that you couldn't remember your name? ]]nope
[[ Posed for nude pics? ]] daily.
[[ Considered a life of crime? ]] on occasion.
[[ Considered being a hooker? ]] Dood! I own the boots! ^_~
[[ Maybe a pimp? ]] yum
[[ Cheated on someone? ]] eh, pseudo... o_o;; [dont ask. i wasnt serious]
[[ Been married? ]] no way
[[ Been divorced? ]] nope
[[ Are you psycho? ]] you answer that.
[[ Split personalities? ]] I guess you could say that.
[[ Schizophrenic? ]] MY DEAD UNCLE IS!
[[ Obsessive? ]] very
[[ Compulsive? ]] a little
[[ Obsessive Compulsive? ]] nope
[[ Panic? ]] too much
[[ Anxiety? ]] very
[[ Depressed? ]] quite
[[ Suicidal? ]] often
[[ Homicidal? ]] never
[[ Genocidal? ]] Nope
[[ Pedophile? ]] yuk
[[ Obsessed with hate? ]] is that possible? O_o
[[ Mutilate animals? ]] i dont like them but i dont hurt them
[[ Idolize infamous criminals? ]] nah
[[ Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? ]] x_x
[[ Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? ]] ew.
Right now...
[[ What are you listening to? ]] the ac
[[ What are you watching? ]] BILL! *glomps bill*
[[ What time is it? ]] 3:16pm
[[ What are you wearing? ]] capris and a tank top
[[ Wanna cyber? ]] >_o
[[ Hey baby, nice shoes... ]] im not wearing shoes
[[ What're you drinking? ]] nothing
[[ Eating? ]] nothing
[[ Got both hands on the keyboard? ]] Yeah
[[ You sure bout that? ]] Yup.
[[ Who are you talkin to? ]] Nobody
[[ What other windows do you have open? ]] Stephen's deadjournal
[[ How bored are you? haha ]] not really
If you could...
[[ Be anywhere, where would you be? ]] with mes amis ;_;
[[ Who would you be with? ]] sean!! *glomps sean*
[[ What would you be doin? ]] do you really wanna know? ^_~ just kidding. I don't know. [02:43 p.m.]
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
okay, so i just posted about 5 minutes ago, but hey. I wasn't able to post for like 2 weeks. Give me some credit here >_o;;
I am feeling guilty about feelings I have always had about a certain somthing that is completely bugging me right now. If you don't know, don't ask. >_<;; *bangs head repeatidly on desk*
Why are people so complicated? Why is it that I feel like I can only get really close to two people? ... bah. I need to eat. I am hungry, but have no desire to eat. x_x;; [10:31 p.m.]
16 July 2003
Tonight has been a good night. It really was. I have been talking to Sean all day at random times which kept me in an all-around cheery mood, and I have faced the day with much more confidence in areas where confidence lacked last night... Yet somehow my happiness is not quite as happy as it could be, as it should be...
The message board I set up for everyone I met at camp seems to thus far be a success, although no one seems to understand that they need to type their names in the url box >_o;; owell. C'est la vie.
I'm going to Old Newburgh with Lily and Tsu tomorrow!! ^_____^ yay!! I'm very excited. I was suprised that my mom agreed to let me go with Lily driving o_O;;
A slut?? O_o;; Me??? Sean, how could you possibly think such a thing!! *fakes broken heart* lol...
God is in His heaven, all is right with the world. [10:09 p.m.]
16 July 2003
The title has significance. I promise.
Everyone should check out my new place!! It's for all my friends I met at Group Workcamp last week. ^_^ go see! I am going to have pictures up and a new layout [that I DID make/code myself] soon. The layout was modified from a free blog layout >_o;; I know, that's low... but I am kinda out of ideas at the moment. u_u;; well I have to go >_o;; so talk to you alls later!! ^_^ [5:03 p.m.]
Monday, July 14, 2003
**censored by request**
omg... someone hold me...
My depression finally kicked in when I got back home. It was starting in DC after camp, but...
there's a light at the end of every tunnel [10:06 p.m.]
14 July 2003
Well all, I just got back from Group Work Camp. ^_^ I had SO MUCH FUN!!! X_x; I am so glad that I went. I'm not going into too much detail right now, but I will later. I'm not staying on long because I neeed to spend time with Momma and Daddy. I was a bit depressed both times we went to DC, but not at all at Camp itself. I spent way ntoo much money, too... >_>; but that's okay. I GOT A MINIATURE BONSAI TREE! XD and my cactus... is a lost cause ;_; owell. I MISS EVERYONE~!!! And I need to talk to Sean [what a suprise] but I think he's still in Canada O_o;; [if not I don't know because I can't connect to the internet. I'm in notepad right now.] And I want to call Ash but she is at rehersal... odarn. BAKA!! >_< I hate you MSN!! >_<;; And Amy got me hooked on Blink 182 on the trip... o_o;; they are netto man!! XD My hair is lighter [rock on] my skin is darker [which i am suprisingly pleased with] and I put on a little weight... but the weight will be gone soon because I'm noteating fast food. [I need to put on weight in muscle, not in fat.] Ohh!! I got so lucky at camp!! Not only did I get put with the COOLEST TEAM EVER, but my whole job was INTERIOR PAINTING IN THE AC~! XD yeah baby!! most people were doing stuff like roofing and working outside. A lot of the people inside didn't have air conditioning. I was very blessed. Kind of maked me wonder, though. Why, God? Am I not strong enough to handle the harder jobs? [I don't mean only physically although I think that does play a part in it...] BAH!! still not connected! >_< I want to read blogs and see if Sean [other Sean, not Tsu], Britt, Jim, Cate, or Ian emailed me!! ;_; *lesigh* I did get a letter from Megan!! *woot* and she sent me the layout she made for Coffee Talk on a disk ^____^ yay!! So as soon as Sean's nifty one gets old we have one to change it too. ^_^ Fun fun fun. I have a blog to start on too!! !_! I am putting one together for all my friends I met at workcamp [who I cliqued with SO INCREDIBLY WELL... and Sean reminds me of Mark aka Bob!! x_X;;] *tears up* PLEASE INTERNET!!!!! PLEEEEEASE???!!!! ;_; *sob sob choke* o well. Try again in a bit. Sending love to my homies, yo yo. Call me all y'all. I'm lonely. ;_; [8:16 p.m.]
2 July 2003
Most of the other quizes I stole from sean I either got the same as him or.... very negative results that I will not be posting. But this quiz made me happy. The graphic is too much.
I am an overly happy A.D.D kitten
Which cute or possibly strange kitten are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yay!! ^^;;
[10:36 a.m.]
1 July 2003
katie told me to go here. i linked to it so i wouldnt forget
I am so tired of being depressed. i want help. i really do. but i can't get help. I am dreading the trip to Baltimore. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I'm in a real emotional low right now. bah. someone smack me so i can snap out of it.
someone hold me and tell me not to cry... [10:31 p.m.]
29 June 2003
i wish that i could just pack up and run out. i wish i could just go. nowhere in particular, just keep going until i found the place where i feel like i need to be. that might take a while. why is my life so fucking worthless? [10:40 p.m.]
28 June 2003
... my mother wants some. I think it is fecking awesome. ^^;; Yeah. I definately just had mom yell at me because I don't see live nudes in an art classroom as pornography. Yeah. It's a study and has been for years. Apparently mother didn't realize this. Now she seems even more opposed to me attending a secular college. Why me? v_v
~kii [6:31 p.m.]
25 June 2003
How long have the two of you been "together?" 6 months ^_^
Who asked who? Well, I actually told him that I liked him first, but I refuse to ask anyone out, so it was him who actually asked a few weeks later [complications delayed things a bit...]
How did he/she/you ask? It was over the internet. He had posted on his blog the statement "why not give it a shot?" When I asked what he meant, he replied that when he said that, what he meant was "will you go out with me?" Ironically I replied on Christmas day, although the date didn't register right away... o_O;; It was cool because I have always wanted my anniversary top be on Christmas.
What is your favorite aspect of the relationship? The fact that I can goof off with him, but we can be [pseudo] serious sometimes too. And no matter how bad I feel he can always cheer me up. ^_^ He has helped a LOT with my depression. More than anyone else.
First date? HA!! HA HA!! X_x;; Okay, it was probably the COOLEST date you could have, and I wouldn't have changed it for the world [well, maybe for the world...] but it was actually for both of us the first "official" date ever, and we saw Sweet Home Alabama in the two dollar theatre. [I'm easily pleased and require little cash.] I was SO incredibly nervous it wasn't even funny. I'm not going to go into all of the details, email me if you REALLY want to know ^_~ [i love that woman... lol!]
Who wears the pants? I refuse to answer that question.
Describe him/her in one word. Eggshell. [I promise it makes sense.]
Is it a match made in Heaven? uh... sure!! O_o;; Actually I have no idea where this relationship is going. All I know is that right now I am with the person I am supposed to be with at the moment.
If the relationship were to be described in a single word, what would it be and why? Wow... I guess I would have to say "unorthodox." There are so many things that make this relationship very odd... o_o;; The ones who need to know know what I'm talking about.
Is there a song that describes the relationship? I am still stuck on Billy Joel's For the Longest Time. Sorry Sean! ^^;
What is the sweetest thing he or she has ever said or done for you? Wow... I think the sweetest thing he's ever said to me is what he said about the list a few days ago. I'm not going to embarass him ^^;
Why are you together? Hm.. Don't ask me! XD actually I honestly don't know why he keeps me around [i do have justifiable reasons for feeling this way] but he has helped me so much. *sap alert* He doesn't even realize it. It's like when I'm with him I'm where I belong. No one has ever made me feel like that before.
Yay. ^_^ You all are enlightened now. [not really...]
Andy, if you are reading this, I'm sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I do miss you. I think about you often. I feel horrible about what I did to you, and even worse that I can't let myself forgive you. I'm sorry. Please try not to be angry with me. [9:46 p.m.]
Saturday, June 21, 2003
OMG. I hate sewing. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!! >_<;; Oki, ni!! if you get this before my message on your machine CALL ME because mom said you could come over and help me with decorations. [Anyone else who wants to come is welcome, too... hint hint...] Don't worry, it's not all sewing ^^;
I finished the Hitchiker's Trilogy last night [which beats Harry Pothead with a stick! lol] I was a bit disappointed in the ending, though. It kinda left you hanging. X_x;; odarn. Eep!! I have to memorize my script for VBS TODAY u_u I was supposed to have until Monday but Kurt switched me to Sunday!! ;_; I'm gonna cry. [so why are you sitting on your ass in front of the computer, baka?? get to work!!] I know i know. *sigh.*
x_x;; Sean, you weren't joking when you said my thighs shrank. Tragically, I put on my 60s pants today [which i haven't worn for like 2 weeks] and they are just a *bit* baggier than they were. Damnit, I have enough trouble fitting into clothes! >_< and my wrists are starting to look kinda bad too... ._.; but the cute curve between my ribs and hip is looking great!! ^^;; You know, the one that no one ever sees??? lol... that's okay. I'm eating again [almost to the point of over-eating x_x;;] so I should be better soon. ^_^ I feel better today than I have in a while [physically, I mean.] I'm kinda sad that I have to spend my saturday making felt camels instead of downtown with my clique ;_; owell.
Enough of my whining. Ja~~~~! [12:28 p.m.]
20 June 2003
First grade teacher's name:I can't remember. I remember every year except 1st grade x_x
Last word you said: "something"
Last song you sang: We Are Tommorow by Bleach
Last person you hugged: Sean
Last thing you laughed at: Sean being a loser
Last time you said 'I love you': aloud? To daddy last night before bed
Last time you cried: I think it was Tuesday? It was right before I talked to Sean...
What's in your CD player: Good Charlotte
What color socks are you wearing: No socks for me. Socks are bad >_o;
What's under your bed: I can't put anything under my bed. I have a waterbed.
What time did you wake up today: I don't remember. It was too late tho, and I got mad at myself.
Current taste: popcorn
Current hair: long blonde and down -- probably needs to be brushed.
Current clothes: gray t-shirt and baggy khakis, all from goodwill ^_^v
Current annoyance: my health problems
Current longing: To be outside somewhere with people I love
Current desktop picture: windows 98 default greenish colour.
Current worry: that I'm dying o_O;; [okay not dying, but that there's something seriously wring with me]
Current favorite article of clothing: MY 60s PANTS! XD
Last CD that you bought: I buy cds? I wasn't aware... although I just burned Good Charlotte.
Favorite place to be: with my friends.
Least favorite place: home at night with no one to talk to
Time you wake up in the morning: whenever I do
If you could play an instrument, what would it be: Well I do play both the piano and dulcimer, but I want to play guitar
Favorite color: earth tones, gray
Do you believe in an afterlife: yes, but it makes me sad to think about it...
How tall are you: 5'3"
Current favorite word/saying: hoe~!
Favorite book: Douglass Adams' Hitchiker's Trilogy
Favorite season: autumn i think
One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Megan Polaski
Favorite day: none really.
Where do you want to go: anywhere I belong
What is your career going to be like: hopefully good!
How many kids do you want: ugh. None.
What kind of car do you have: I WISH!! yeesh!
Type a line you remember from any book: "if you have done six impossible things this morning, why not top it off with breakfast at Milliway's, the resteraunt at the end of the universe?"
A random lyric: "and everyone here is welcom, 'cause we got no gates or walls..."
Identify some things surrounding your computer: ugh. Junk.
what's up? what kind of question is that really? >_o;; [4:08 p.m.]
20 June 2003
omfg~! today is crazy! ~_~ I can't decide if I'm super happy or super sad. It was like last night... I was practically prancing across the parking lot at B&N, and then a few minutes later I just stopped. I fell over a bit, and then I just wasn't happy anymore. Today I'm not really falling over, but I feel very weak. very weak. I don't know why. But I am eating again, so that is good. I wish my health problems would just go away... u_u
I don't want to be worried about my health, but I am. I wasn't, until I started taking medication for it that did nothing. I thought I would be better when they put me on stuff. I know it's not really a "problem" to worry about, but... well, twice now I've almost pulled a bookshel on top of me >_o;; That was sadness. ;_;
Sean said something yesterday that meant so much more to me than anything he's ever said. He thinks I'm the most loyal person he knows. That's odd. After everything that happened with Andy I don't feel like a loyal person at all. I've just never had reason to be anything but loyal to Sean. And besides, how could I expect his loyalty and trust if he didn't have mine? Ugh. I'm giving myself a headache.
For the record, as far as I can see, everything with Sean and I is back to normal [or as normal as it gets for us...]
I'm going to try to add a lot to this page within the next couple of days. Check back for updates. ^_^ Oh, and I fixed the colours on the tagboard ^^;; [3:15 p.m.]
18 June 2003
Woot!! SCREW BLOGGER!! ^_^ Pitas was always good to me. I can't forget that. Don't worry Delphi, I'm working on other stuff to put on disheartened.net. ^_^ *blows kiss* oops! gotta go!! jaaaa~! [5:50 p.m.]
18 June2003
Try one more time... [4:30 p.m.]
17 June 2003
Alright, I give up. I am stooping as far as using a layout that is public domain. So what? I'm sick of blogger. Anyone have any other ideas?? I think I'm going to expand this into more of a personal site. If i did that then I could use pitas... hmmm... [6:29 p.m.]
17 June 2003
Alright, I give up. I am stooping as far as using a layout that is public domain. So what? I'm sick of blogger. Anyone have any other ideas?? I think I'm going to expand this into more of a personal site. If i did that then I could use pitas... hmmm... [6:29 p.m.]
17 June 2003
^_____________________^
*bounce bounce bounce bounce*
today is STUPENDOUS!!! x3
Well, it didn't start out as so... o_o;; but after I *finally* got ahold of sean, the world's happiness levle went up ten points! ^_~ And this girl rocks my socks off. ^^;; RELIENT K IS FECKING NETTO MAN!! XD;; *hoping blogger decides to work* ... *woosh!* [6:26 p.m.]
15 June 2003
*cries her eyes out, for reasons she is still unsure of* [4:07 p.m.]
14 June 2003
.... please? [8:12 a.m.]
14 June 2003
Come on blogger!! Work for momma!! [7:45 a.m.]
13 June 2003
Darn you blogger! >_< [3:19 p.m.]
13 June 2003
Oki guys! New layout. I also added a tagboard, because... well I just did xp;; oki oki! what are we doing tonight? O_o;; [3:14 p.m.]
18 June 2003
alright you guys... is this working? [4:58 p.m.]
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